written by JOHN MARK MINES | SUCCESS, GOAL-SETTING, MOTIVATION
His word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.
Jeremiah
Waving or Drowning
One day on a hilltop in Ancient Greece, a young man approached Socrates asking for wisdom. Without a word, Socrates turned and walked away. Bewildered, the young man followed.
He followed Socrates down the hillside, through the town, and along the beach. Socrates waded into the ocean, with the young man close behind.
Suddenly, Socrates turned, grabbed the young man by the neck, and thrust him under water. The young man obediently complied.
Soon, the young man started to drown. He resisted, but the grip held firm. The man flailed harder and harder, but Socrates did not relent. Finally, focusing all of his energy, he broke free at last.
Gasping for air, the young man glared at Socrates. “When you want wisdom as much as you want air,” Socrates said, “then you will have it.”
More Passion, More Passion
Desire is complicated. Sometimes, it’s cherished. There is no greater joy than a child opening the perfect present or winning a Little League trophy. This desire is raw, pure, and endearing.
Other times, it’s vilified. Many spiritual and religious teachings caution against it. Buddha called desire the “root of all suffering.” It can cause lust, envy, and heartache.
Mostly, though, desire is confusing. From the Spice Girls singing “tell me what you want, what you really really want” to Hamlet’s infamous “To be or not to be” soliloquy, we struggle to put desire into words. The heart, it seems, doesn’t speak English.
And, if we don’t know what we want, no one else does, either.
de·sire /dəˈzī(ə)r/
noun : a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.
Nevertheless, desire plays a leading role in our lives. All stories, regardless of genre, depict events that evoke emotion. Apathy doesn’t make for a compelling protagonist. But a story about a carpenter dying on a cross to redeem the world, now that’s a story that captivates an audience. That’s passion.
pas·sion /ˈpaSH(ə)n/
noun : strong and barely controllable emotion.
Passion moves us. Whether we’re listening to a stirring sermon or watching a sweaty Rocky montage, passion sparks inspiration. It sets our hearts on fire. Passion is more than powerful: it’s contagious.
And yet, desire feels deficient. Life’s demanding and tedious tasks are never-ending. Daily life isn’t as glorious as redeeming humanity or becoming the heavyweight champion of the world. Small goals like reading or exercising should be much easier. Instead, they feel impossible.
If desire is a well, it’s running dry. What’s going wrong?
Atomic Enemy #1
If you’re having a hard time achieving your goals, James Clear has an answer for you.
According to Clear, lack of success doesn’t come from a lack of willpower. “If you’re having trouble changing your habits, the problem isn’t you,” writes Clear. “The problem is your system.”
In his book Atomic Habits, Clear defines four “laws” for good habits. They must be obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying. Calendars, rewards, and convenience all contribute to a system that supports change. These are the ingredients for forming good habits.
That may be true, but Clear doesn’t solve the central quandary: why is it so hard to achieve our goals in the first place?
If I really want to lose weight, why does dieting feel impossible? If I want to be a guitarist, why is it so hard to pick up my guitar? If I really want to go back to graduate school, why do I keep putting it off?
Difficulty is the typical scapegoat. Goals aren’t goals if they’re easy. But that doesn’t make sense, because challenge doesn’t trump desire. In fact, Jesus and Rocky demonstrate that difficulty doesn’t diminish desire; it drives desire.
We choose to go to the Moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard.
JFK
Kobe Bryant never rewarded himself after a 4 a.m. workout with ice cream. Jimi Hendrix never crossed off days on a calendar every time he practiced guitar. Tiger Woods never described his workout routine as easy or convenient.
Clear’s laws help people get themselves to do things that they don’t want to do. But this presents a paradox: why set a goal to do something if you don’t actually want to do it?
The Temptations
This is the great irony of goal-setting. Nobody sets a goal to do something that they are already doing. Goals, then, don’t start with desire; they start with deficiency.
Most New Years Resolutions are commonplace: lose weight, find love, save money. Ideally, all at the same time. If we could learn a new language and instrument as well, so much the better.
When it comes to goals, the more the merrier. But few ever ask: where did that goal come from in the first place?
In his book Start With Why, Simon Sinek describes how motivation matters. He tells story after story about how success is a function of purpose, not reward or convenience. As my soccer coach would always say, the winners are the ones who want it most.
My favorite example is the invention of flight. Samuel Langley, the namesake of a NASA research center, Air Force base, and CIA headquarters, was bested by two brothers without a high school diploma between them. Despite literally working for NASA, Langley’s catapult-launched concept flew like a sack of potatoes. The high school dropouts completed their first successful flight just one week later.
What the Wright brothers lacked in resources they made up in desire. They were inspired by Otto Lilienthal, a German aviator who died while testing his glider concept. Wilbur Wright wrote that Lilienthal “…presented the cause of human flight to his readers so earnestly, so attractively, and so convincingly that it was difficult for anyone to resist the temptation to make an attempt at it himself…”
Wilbur describes inventing as irresistible. It was a temptation, not an obligation.
When goals start with deficiency, we have to coerce ourselves with calendars and convenience. Passion, though, needs no coercion. That’s the power of desire; that’s the power of starting with why.
Here’s Your Motivation
But that’s not all. Daniel Pink emphasizes the difference between extrinsic and intrinsic motivation in his book Drive. Extrinsic motivation is when we do something for a reward, like working for a paycheck. Intrinsic motivation is when we do something for fun, like building a sandcastle.
in·trin·sic /inˈtrinzik/
noun : belonging naturally; essential.
Extrinsic motivation is everywhere. It is the reason we go to work, respect handicap spots, and pay our taxes. Here, consequences dictate behavior. In extrinsic motivation, the ends justify the means.
ex·trin·sic ikˈstrinzik,ekˈstrinzik/
noun : not part of the essential nature of someone or something; coming or operating from outside.
The popularity of extrinsic motivation implies it is highly effective. It isn’t. According to a wealth of research summarized by Pink, extrinsic motivation works for menial tasks. But for creative tasks, extrinsic motivation actually hinders performance.
So, if your goal is to walk a mile every day, crossing days off a calendar would help. But if your goal requires personality, then the calendar might actually hold you back.
Intrinsic motivation is much less prevalent because it cannot be forced. It can’t be generated with an annual bonus or gold star. While it is more elusive, it is far more powerful.
Intrinsic motivation propelled the Wright brothers to build the first airplane, free of charge. It’s the reason why millions of people contribute to Wikipedia and Linux without compensation, recognition, or consequence. They didn’t need a carrot or a stick; they just needed desire.
Want You to Want Me
Extrinsically motivated goals set us up for failure. They make us chase goals that we don’t enjoy pursuing. These goals can only end up in disappointment or misery.
Instead, we should start with why. Intrinsic motivation cannot be manufactured; it can only be found. Passion is impossible to fake. The best goals marry intrinsic motivation with extrinsic purpose. They take what we want to do and give it a direction worth going.
Don’t waste your life dragging yourself kicking and screaming toward some arbitrarily defined finish line. Instead, light the fire of desire, hold on to the steering wheel tight, and enjoy the ride.
